I don't know what happened. I was making stir-fried tofu on my messy stovetop (because I still needed to clean my kitchen), and I randomly began singing Marvin Gaye. I ran through a few songs off of the What's Going On album, one that my mom played a lot when my siblings and I were younger, and was suddenly filled with emotion. The album spoke about so many things that felt so relevant today such as environmental destruction, sickness, war, hatred, the power of spirituality, etc. I grabbed my phone and pulled up the album, and played the songs back to myself. I cried...Hard.
Maybe the emotions were hormonal, but I tried really hard not to analyze myself and to determine why I shouldn't be crying, and just let myself go. I'm glad I did, I've been through a lot of adjustments in the last year. Even in these first two months of 2020, many things have moved around, both personally and in the big wide world. I am here, trying to learn and feel all of it at once, which is incredibly overwhelming. Especially when you keep coming into contact with how much of a superhero you're not.
In this past year, I've been living on my own. When I moved into my new home, I wanted to fill my abode with things that made me happy and made me feel free. I bought plants, and I burned incense relentlessly, because I wasn't allowed to burn them in my room at my mom's house :). I stocked up on simple foods that I liked (such as tofu), and cooked how I wanted to cook since I was the only one that would be eating. However, I miss not cooking, like I did when my siblings would cook on the rest of the days, and I could just chill for the most part until my cooking day came back around. There are days that I hate the thought of getting up and making another meal.
That night, after my moment with Marvin Gaye, which I was now feeling amazing by the way (no more tears), I didn't want to cook. There is always a risk that comes with eating out. That risk in my head right now is the Coronavirus. I did my research on it, found that the virus wasn't transferable through food. Regardless, it is difficult to want to order any of the already limited vegan options when you hear about all of the sicknesses you could get. No one wants to live their lives in fear of death because one time they wanted to order a burger.
I guess there's a few things that you could take away from this post. 1) You're not a super hero, adulting is hard, and even if it is a great song from your childhood that is driving you to sob, go for it. It's really just a moment to get it out, and you'll feel better when it's over. 2) I guess, again, adulting is hard, but especially vegan adulting. People don't really understand how difficult eating is for us, and having to navigate the world and your meals can be a lonely job, even if you aren't truly alone. 3) And finally be a light for yourself, and when you're ready, carry that light into the world. Create your peace in your palace, then share it at other peoples'. We've got enough nonsense going on out here.
Looking Through Vegan Colored Glasses is a vegan lifestyle blog curated by a Black mom and four of her vegan raised kids, covering their opinions on health, food, and fashion.